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It’s tomorrow! It’s finally happening! I’m finally going to start work again. Right, I know it isn’t really interesting or exciting but uh, it is quite a big thing for me. After so long, I’m going back to what I’m good at, “servicing” humans. lol!

As much as I know I’m leaving my freedom behind, this job couldn’t have come any sooner than it has. Although I did wish that I still had some cash left in my bank to fly 1 more time to Melbourne, the land of my dreams before I start work. Especially when my nephew was recently born! I would love to hold little Ollie in my arms and see faces of my loved ones again. How I missed them! Surprisingly, I even miss my cousin-in-law’s parents! They’re 1 super nice couple!

There I go again, digressing as always. So back to my job. Basically, it’s gonna be somewhat like what I’ve done at Extiva before, just a different industry. More details would be given after I’ve really gone in and work. Title: Service Helpdesk Agent. The word agent makes it sound so cool, like I’m a SPY! You know, secret agent and stuff. Fine, you people just don’t share the same sentiments.

Just 15 more hours and off to work I go. I’m anticipating that it would be a BORING first day as well as the second day and maybe for a week! Well, the initial days of starting work is sure boring as hell. You can’t exactly just pick it up and work! My brains are just reminiscing back on the days of old. From old beaus to work to life. The rain isn’t really helping either. Making it so melancholy.

But it is a nice weather to sit down with old friends and talk about the old days. Of things that used to matter back then but seems childish now. Ahh, my freedom. Maybe working wouldn’t steal my freedom away but brings back the glory of old? We’ll see. Time can only tell so much. ;) It’s all up to me! Time to make things happen again!

Decided to start up blogging again but am in a dilemma as to which blog to use! There’s blogger, tumblr, and god knows how many more I used to have. At least I don’t have to worry about Friendster anymore. It’s been deleted. A bit sad that was deleted because I wrote some good stuff in there. Too bad I din manage to back it up.

Blogger is quite universal and tumblr is unique. So which one which one? Simply caught up. Keeping 1 blog is already a handful moreover 2! So, I’m probably gonna try using 2 of it until I feel 1 is a better one?

Gosh, it’s like choosing between 2 men. At least choosing between 2 blogs should be easier. I can try out the blogs anytime, anywhere I want. I cant exactly try out the men, or can I? LOL~~

I would rather have a short-lived happiness than suffer a lifetime of wrong choice. Although life is always full of uncertainty, this is probably why I would choose short-lived happiness instead.

Now, being a perfectionist, we all know no one is perfect, hence I would always be changing  my mind and thinking a lot. I think and change so much that here I am, at 30, still a nobody. Although I won’t say I have not lived a good life and that I’m pretty sure my existence has made some impact to others. In some ways or another. These impacts of course could be small or big but still it’s an impact!

As the grass is always greener on the other side, I’m pretty sure I’ve envied others who holds a stable, high position in their company but they could also be envious of my non-commitment, free and easy life! There’s always many ways to look at something. Although so far, throughout the whole week, I felt useless for not being someone at this point of time.

Today would be a different day whereby I will keep looking from a different light. From a positive point of view. I will and I promise myself that I will not lie to myself anymore and live the way I want to live. Free and whatever I want to do, I do it. I may not know what I want in life or what I want to do but I will continue to search and try. No more searching for others approval.

Short-lived happiness would be my goal for now. Why bother looking so far ahead when life is so full of uncertainties? We might die tomorrow for what we know. So I say, live for the day and F*** tomorrow!

SHE COMPLAINED OF NO FOOD WHEN THERE’S FOOD ON THE TABLE! SAID UNTIL BLOODY KESIAN THAT SHE WAS WAITING FOR ME TO COOK LUNCH?! And mind you, it was only 12.30PM!! lunch i intended was bread and sausage coz she doesn’t eat noodles and she ate rice in the morning. I was worried if I cook too early, she would get hungry early and then next thing u know, dinner at 5pm. In 1 day, she eats so many times and so PICKY WITH FOOD that I’m driven nuts!

Bring her food that time, she ACTION and eat bloody little. When hungry, expects you to immediately cook. Worst part, doesn’t eat noodles, every damn thing also say not nice to eat. COOK WAT!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everytime only eats little bit. then expect ppl to cook different thing later, got leftover, ACTION again, duwan to eat, ask the SLAVE to eat. BTW, SLAVE IS ME! I don’t eat, she complains, waste food.

Really like some olden day FCKING EMPRESS… everything that the stupid kitchen cooks is in small portion coz the stupid emperor only eats 1 bite. and every 2 hours got something to eat whether its meals or snacks.

Damn myself too for being such a crazy perfectionist. Her comments made me feel bloody incompetent. That I fail myself. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m living in hell so to speak. I’m imprisoned in my own house with a disgruntled person that no matter what or how much I do, will continue to complain and complain and complain.

Simply said, I can sum up my daily life, right this moment.

7.00am - Wake Up! If you don’t, she’ll be slamming doors LOUDLY, sighing LOUDLY, slam some more doors until you wake up. This is coming from a 92-years-old woman who has just came out of the hospital a week ago because of fainting and knocking her head on the ground and bled. Left eye was swollen and was bed-ridden for 2 days.

7.15am - Cook breakfast or she’ll die of hunger. In addition, she’s getting hungrier earlier and earlier each day. It was from 8am to 7.45am to 7.30am!

7.30am - Dry clothes and water plants.

7.45am - Back to sleep (or so I thought and it’s not easy to put down an Archer’s book. Today is simply special, I was motivated to write so I didn’t sleep.)

11.30am - Sweep the floor.

12.00pm - Ready to prepare lunch or she’ll die of hunger. Again the same rules of breakfast applies. Getting hungrier earlier each day! Everyday, the menu have to be different and just so you know, everything is yucky to her. She doesn’t eat noodles and many more that I suddenly can’t think of. Even KFC is not nice to eat! For someone who wasn’t picky in her younger years (only 10 years ago! She eats pizza, KFC, pasta, McD, you name it, she eats it), she’s so picky, she puts world famous chef to dilemmas.

12.30pm - Lunch for her.

1.30pm - Lunch for myself. (whatever that is easy to whip up)

2.30pm - Collect and fold clothes.

3.00pm - Slowly figure out what to cook for dinner and prepares them.

5.00pm - Starts preparing to cook dinner. Mom normally starts at 6.00pm but since the day she left, the disgruntled lady has ORDERED that dinner should be ready by 6.00pm which has not been for more than freaking 40 years! She says she used to eat at 6.00pm and if I don’t start cooking by 5.30pm, she comes supervising and GRUNT.

6.15-6.30pm - Dinner! I must say, she eats herself, for I’m totally not hungry yet. For crying out loud, my dinner has always been 7pm (the earliest!)

7.00pm - Prepares her daily medicine to eat. I eat dinner when I feel hungry. No specific time.

7.30pm - Shower.

9.00pm - Makes digestive drink for her which she always STARE and WAIT while I try my best to speed up and do it. (Evil substance that does not melt even in hot boiling water. Tends to be grainy? God, can’t even think of the word. Oh, clumps! I think.)

10.00pm - Sleeping time for her, although she does sleeps here and then throughout the whole day. My only peace and quiet time throughout the whole day! TV time for me (if only Astro have good stuff on) and throws in laundry for washing. I sleep when I’m tired.

There you go, my daily life which is such a bore. For a 30-year-old gal who’s seriously still have a lot in her, this is hell and why it’s hell is not because I’m bound to my house, it’s because of the constant grunting and discontent over whatever I’ve done. She still insist that I’m not serving her and that she’s still doing all the work. What work? Eating using her own hands? Taking well-prepared food from the dining table? Showering herself? Praying to the Gods, putting incense (now this is due to the fact that I’m a Christian and they are not). Oh, no one is carrying her around using a sedan chair. She’s still walking on her own 2 feet. I forgot, she’s from China.

OMG. Even I have turned into her! I’m also grumbling even when I have a good life and I can’t see it! I’m not paralysed. I don’t have to work (sort of). I’m not dead (I seriously wish I am sometimes).

I don’t see purgatory status anytime soon. Not even after my mom comes back. She has to work and I don’t. So, I NEED A JOB! HELP! I’m sending her to the old folks’ home no matter what others say because they are not the one taking care of a disgruntled lady but ME! I’m not a senior citizen yet and here I am, confined to my house. I don’t even walk out 1 metres of my house. I better be damn healthy when I’m old. So I can replace my current days of imprisonment at home.

Thanks to Sir Jeffrey Archer, I’m motivated to write. Currently, I’m reading his prison diaries. I’ve finished the Hell book and now scouring through his Purgatory moments.

Seems so long since I’ve written much. I guess it’s time to start again. But I think motivations are really necessary. Archer’s books are the only books that I’m totally motivated to read as he totally captures my every waking moment. I read others but he’s the only author that I unfailingly buys all his books. I won’t say I have ALL of his books, YET, but definitely is on my way to collecting it. Even maybe crazy enough to head to eBays and search for his prison items that was kept stolen! Definitely it out there on the market. Just need to look hard enough.

No idea why the obsess for this man’s writing but his writing is so interesting, I wish I could write as well as he does, capturing a reader’s interest from books to books, page to page, words to words.

As always my ideas are not collected properly, from writing about my motivation to write to talking about my favourite author. No doubt I always digress from my main topic. Again digressing from the topic, reading does increase one’s vocabulary. Even by reading blogs, I’ve added the word digress to my vocab and lately, conjugal visits, solidarity and geriatric. Although still unsure how to use it properly, I will continue to try and remember and use it in the near future.

Maybe will keep a diary of my day to day life showing how my life has progressed from doing nothing to something to nothing to something? Doubting that it will be as interesting as Archer’s prison diaries, I hope I would somehow be able to write a book. This has always been somewhat appealing to me over the years but always fail to finish what I always started. Always seems to stop midway due to lost of motivation or inspirations.

Wrote 333 words so far. Not bad for a good start. There goes my Hell life coming back. To think I have proceed to Purgatory, guess not.

Wrong kind of right,

What’s right or wrong,

Will I ever see,

Will I ever stop.

Images keep flashing through,

Images that shouldn’t be,

But it’s really true,

There is no one now but only you.

Will you please stop,

Because I want to see,

Who I really am,

Who I want to be.

Had such a great time yesterday that I totally didn’t have time to post anything. Although of course if there’s nothing interesting, I don’t have to but I do!

I discovered this machine long ago but never have I discovered the harder way to play it. So yesterday I saw some “PRO”s playing. And found freestyle MODE! There was Normal, Hard, Non-Stop Normal and Non-Stop Hard! Hard was definitely crazy!! This guy’s body was FLYING everywhere, I could barely understand a thing! Normal was still bearable for me. Still, at some point, I can’t help but just flinging my hands everywhere!

So there I was, spending hours on this machine and right now, my arm aches so much that I’m lucky I can still type! Owh~~ the muscles… ache so much! But it was actually great exercise.. coz I sweat after playing so many rounds. Well, I’m gonna hit the machine again after maybe 2 days of rest? But right now, my brain is still constantly thinking about the game but if I do play it now, I probably can’t pass through the first stage! Not fast enough to sway my hands… LOL!

Well, this machine is gonna be my current love! If only I could buy it and bring it home… ;)